1056 of ways to say I care
In case some of you were wondering why I suddenly stopped writing my blogs for over a week now, I hope to give you some answers and to also say thank you to all of you who cared enough to let me know you missed me.
I started to not feel well four weeks ago and the pain in my lower tummy kept getting worse and worse until finally, after spending a night of sporadic sleeping due to the extreme and severe pain at that point, I woke up last Sunday and I decided that perhaps it was time to get myself into the emergency department of our local hospital.
I arrived with a belly full of pain and a high fever. I never realized that I was even carrying a fever until the mighty digital thermometer told me so. Now I started to really take this as a serious things. The pain rushed in like waves on a dark storm and each time they hit, I doubled over. I was treated to many procedures in the hospital in a very short period of time, one of which I had no had done for over 25 years. When the doctor was performing the exam, I screamed out and felt as though the monster inside was trying to escape. The doctor told me that I had to have an emergency CT scan to rule some things out. I had already received an Xray and there was nothing on that. And so the wait began.
The next day, i heard my name called and realized, out of my drug infused state that it was finally my turn to. The CT with the thermal imaging radio active die told them immediately I had Diverticulitis. I had previously had this almost a decade ago but had been careful to follow the doctor’s orders, which did not seem to have worked. I was told they may need to do emergency surgery if the exhorbatant white blood cell count did’n’t start to head back to even just the risky amount. Two antibiotics began. One I have taken in the past and one I was not sure I had. Allergic reaction took over my body and my skin itched from deep inside if you know what I mean. Nothing could take the itch or the hives which came with it. After the second bout of the reaction they determined it was the new antibiotic and it was discontinued. Benadryl for itching. Superb pain relief with nasty side affects from Dilaudid also known as Hydromorphone to a high dose of 2.5 mg every 1 or 2 which allowed me to leave at least one silly phone message for my husband. No food or appetite. No taste buds. No window. No sun. No moon. No stars. Just a room full of very sick and at times very angry people, one leaving with the assistance of the security guard.
IV drips, sometimes more like water falls than drips. Poles with lights reminding me to plug it in or the power would not work. Whatever could we do without power.
Emergency department triage, waiting room, nurse triage, back to waiting room, doctor triage, another private room with a stretcher and not a glorified lazy boy chair, off to another part of the ER to sit with four other patients all very ill, one form pancreatitis caused by waht she knew was due ot her excessive drinking, one night in the chair, two nights in the chair. Leaving to a much “quieter” section of the hospital with real beds. Arrive to find out it is the “old” emergency with no privacy, no real beds and no real rest. Uncomfortable stretcher. Loud nurses at 2 in the morning with one calling a patient an “asshole”. Urine and other body materials left for days in the patient bathrooms. No real showers for patients and no real waiting room for patients to get away from the constant reminder of how sick they are. Visitors come in droves and little children throwing temper tantrums with ear piercing screams. Where were the parents? Weren’t their ears bleeding too? Nine in the evening and time for visitors to leave but apparently that is only for show and not enforced because a whole new of loud visitors with their screaming children, entered once again. Eleven at night and suddenly the noise is not that of the children but of the clerk at the nurses desk who put a sailor to shame. Profesional? Not there I think unless being a professional in the health care field is her new language. If she hates her job why take it out on those who hate her job too and don’t want to be here?
My five visitors came on all the same day and I was happy to see them, I was happy when they left. My body was not up to having company just yet.
A fight breaks out, a man is throwing his feces around, curtains are changed and hope that the c-dificile he had doesn’t get in. Screaming and yelling and then threats of security taking him away, do nothing to stop him for 15 minutes it was the same.
Finally I hear the words from the doctors I am hoping to hear and that is I will finally go home now and hopefully to stay. Each day those words had been said but never followed through so for me this day was like no other and I didn’t know if this time they would be true.
Tummy decided to play topsy turvy and the medication to stop the ride was given through and IV only to have it swell up and I though to myself, how good it was to be me. Ring the bell. Ring ring ring….answer the damn bell already. My arm has now turned the color of a cherry and I finally called out, “Hey Benny” my nurse for the night. Oh no that is not right, he says as she scurries away, he come back with more medicine and warning he will will have to restart.
One nurse. Two nurse. Three nurse. Four. 10 tries in all to get another IV started which my body relied.
Bruises, holes, punctuation marks. Suddenly there it is. Blood and then it’s back to square one.
The morning the words I so longed to hear: You can go home now but with precautions my dear. Well the last words were not the ones which I hoped i would hear but home is home and so I looked forward and not back in fear.
Unplugged. Horrible taste in my mouth. Nothing smells quite right today but who knows maybe tomorrow it won’t be the same.
The love of my life shows up to take me home and all I can think of is how glad it was time to go. He is my life, my light and my guarding angel if ever an anger was to be.
Home is sunshine, children playing, laughter, buzzing of lawn mowers, planes in the sky, tree’s swaying gently and my old friend Cecil the broken beaked crow.
I open my email and am stunned to see over 1050 messages addressed so heartfelt to me. My Facebook friends and family have been there all along. I have not been forgotten and for their world of love, allows me to be strong. Thank you to all those who cared and all those who shared. You will never know just how much what you have said have done and meant to me. My battle is far from over so they tell me and I may need to go right back to the hospital for emergency surgery but for now I ‘ll choose to think positive, for what else can there be, with you for friends here is where my heart will always be.
Thank you to John H., Paul L, Julie W., Gee M, Ellen R., Allen O., Kattie S., Will B., Tanya R., Keira C., Janie, Jim, Roger, Crystal, Razzel, Krystal, Zach, Atasha, Darren, Marilyn and sooooo many many more.
From my heart to yours, 1056 of ways to say I care. xxx